On Jesus and Pie

I'm in a state of flux with my spirituality, and why not just lay it out there for anyone to see? There was a time in my life when I believed that there was black, and there was white. Life was simpler then, no thinking required. No ruminating over anything in life, it was all summed up in one big heaping helping of Jesus Jesus Jesus. Are ya saved? Praise Jesus! All sins washed away and on that glorious day when Jesus returns, we will all float up on gossamer wings singing "Nanny Nanny BooBoo, you should have gotten on the Jesus train suckers!"

Alas, I peed away all the Koolaid and got a nice clean drink of clarity, and as I climb back up the rabbit hole I am wondering what the hell is really going on. I believe in reincarnation, I do. But then I also miss the sweet feeling that when I die I will immediately fly up to heaven. Can I do both? Can't I fly up to Heaven while I'm waiting in line to come back here and do it again? I guess I believe but I am like that guy standing in line at Best Buy. He's got the big box in his hands, he is just about to get out his wallet when he thinks: "But what if a new upgraded one comes on the market tomorrow?" Is my ideology outdated, or just diluted? Am I so jaded that I can't just simply believe in God and leave it at that? You see, I feel like the Patriarhical influence on religon has made us believe that God is a really scary dude in the sky who throws red rubber balls at people at random. I want to believe that God is sometimes a man sometimes a woman, and always benevolent. Then that cynical part of me laughs, a real hearty belly laugh, and tells me I'm such a nut! God isn't even a real anything silly! God is not even real, just some stupid myth that we all have to reinforce with each other so we don't think our lives here on the planet are about nothing. It gives us meaning to run around dodging a red rubber ball. Yeah, no thanks to Joseph Campbell here, kill joy.

Now right about now you're wondering if I'm smoking something from a bong made out of a ceramic monkey skull right? Yeah, nope. Just wondering about the meaning of everything, as I am wont to do, and trying to make sense of things. Trying to figure out where to hedge my bets. I guess when it all shakes out I am betting on the fact that in some big old cosmic way, everything we do does really matter, and that someone, some thing larger than me is rooting for me, trying to give me hints along the way toward helping me create the best life possible. I've seen too much evidence in my own life and I know that all these signs can't just be random. Pie in the sky? Sure. It's the kind of pie I like though, so I'm good with it. What's your favorite pie?