Get thee behind me Chocolate!

Okay, I met the devil today at Rite Aid Drug Store. I was walking through the store with a Diet Coke in hand mind you, when my eye was pulled over to a bright coupon. "Chocolate Covered Hazelnuts-half off". I will spare you the sordid details, but Hazelnuts and I go way back, and it ain't pretty. We spent many a secluded night together, alone in my room. The shame after our clandestine meetings was untennable. So, I took a long hard look at Chocolate Covered Hazelnuts, and decided "No more". Why put myself through the same attraction, love fest, then rejection cycle that we always go through? Why do the dance of desire when it ends with a belly full of regret? So I dragged my hungry ass up to the counter with a pack of sugarless gum and a Diet Coke, and I looked back for a moment and allowed myself just a few moments to remember, then I walked out vowing to make better choices for my vices in the future. I chewed an entire pack of sugarless gum today, along with three entire stalks of celery and my jaw actually hurts. I chugged three diet cokes and I am filled with H2O.
Another day, another wrestling match. This time I won. Ding Ding.
Hell yes I can!